The Community or You?

Photo by Sighthound / Flickr

I am very lucky and blessed. As long as I can remember, I've been out of the broom closet and engaged with other Pagans. I remember my first Paganish friends, hippy, high school, female teachers who took me to drum circles on the beach under the full moon, offered me my first taste of red wine, and gave me my first tarot deck. I remember my first circle, which was on the syllabus of a college course titled Paganism and Witchcraft in America at USF. I remember my first Wiccan friend, a fellow student I met in my Women and Religion class at FIU. And I remember my first official Wiccan ritual, which was in a private home and hosted by the Religious Order of the Circle of Isis Rising.

I don't know what the Pagan community was like in Miami during the 1990s when I began identifying as Wiccan and seeking others. It felt small, but it was always present and it was pretty friendly. I joke about having to walk barefoot in the snow uphill both ways to find the nearest coven echoing the thoughts of our elders who often joined a particular tradition because it was the only coven in the neighborhood or crossed state lines to meet with others eight times a year or to receive initiation from someone whose trad was close enough to their own. But the truth is, that's just never been true for me. I've always had choices including the choice to be a solitary and wait until the right coven came along. And it did. Eventually.

I really like the Pagan community in South Florida. It's not perfect and there's drama and some crazy, but it's pretty darn good. It's sizable, diverse, and mostly cooperative among covens of various traditions, eclectics, solitaries, MeetUps, CUUPS, and a few stores and festivals.

What I think is really cool is how all the bases are covered whether you want something traditional with a long-term commitment to formal classes and initiation, something casual where you just show up and then go home, or just a cup of coffee with other Pagans. You want ceremonial magick or orisha traditions? We got that too. Women only? Check. Gay? Check. The options for Recons are still limited, but I know for a fact we've got some Druids and Hellenists roaming around and once I saw a cute, tattooed, red-headed Heathen man at CUUPS. So Borders is closing and you hate Barnes & Noble, but did you know there are four metaphysical stores in Miami-Dade alone? Not to mention all the botanicas. Festivals? We got that too. So color me surprised when I hear someone say there's nothing in South Florida and maybe I get a little defensive when people start dissing my community.

When I say I was a solitary for a long time, I mean it in the sense that I hadn't joined a coven, not in the sense that I was alone. I still engaged with other Pagans at an open circle or a class or even just by getting together with a couple of friends to observe a Sabbat. I also read Pagan magazines and found communities online. But I understand what it means to be a solitary, to not have found your niche, that group that fits just right and I also understand the various reasons for not starting your own. However, I think many Pagans with no group experience have unrealistic expectations and demands. Sometimes it's not about what's lacking in the community for you, but rather what's lacking in you for the community.

It may be an unpopular statement, but it is a truism; we've all known Pagans we don't want in our groups. I'm not interested in having a person in my coven who is constantly in crisis, who demands constant attention, who is dangerous, who can't be trusted, or who simply rubs me the wrong way. My coven is a second family and nothing is more important than our safe space. I am protective of it.

So, if you're one of those Pagans that has been searching for years and come up empty, it's possible that what you're looking for just isn't there (yet); this was true for me for years. But I would also encourage you to reflect on what you're strengths and flaws are, on your expectations, and ask yourself what you've got to offer a community.